I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
