Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize