I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
