I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
