You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
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