yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
