Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize