My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
