Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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