Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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