and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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