just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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