I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
