I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
