I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize