i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
