a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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