Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
