I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
