Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize