is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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