I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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