??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
