If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
