I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
