Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
