you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
