sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
