If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
