Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
