She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's blow job season.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize