she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
