I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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