no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
