Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
