this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize