My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
