the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize