capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
two words...techno handjob
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize