she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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