No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
