If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize