Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
