I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
