i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
as a side note pls kill me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize