I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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