it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
