we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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