New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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