Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
