May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize