In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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