dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
