Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
