As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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