And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
