how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
