party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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