Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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