please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
