Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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