yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
