Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
