I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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