I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
