I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
