I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
