oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
