she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
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