A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
