You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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