I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
