R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Let's get the cat blown out
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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