We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
