i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
