You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
