my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
