he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
