just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
