Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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