you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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