I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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