You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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