i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
