id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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