I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
