Don't make out with my wife yet
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
As shirtless as possible
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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