I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
