Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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