you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
