Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize