I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
