i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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