Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
