you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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