I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
