the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
