So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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