So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize