Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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