I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
