The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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