The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
