he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
