His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
