my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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