I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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