i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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