I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
