my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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