dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
