She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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